If i come over, it means nothing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
