I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my poor anus
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
