good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
