apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
