I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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