You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
