She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
