Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
