I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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