My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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