$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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