I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
