You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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