covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
