I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is an emotional support booty call
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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