So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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