Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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