I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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