Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
