I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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