Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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