Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I fill condoms, not promises.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
