This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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