Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
