i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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