Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
