The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
