i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
