2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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