The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so much tequila, so little girl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
