I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
