saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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