you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
