how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
