i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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