well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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