Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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