I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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