I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
