chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
