K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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