I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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