Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
