OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
