I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
