Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
