the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
