You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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