He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
