She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
