he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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