I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
