i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
