Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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