dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
