two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize