Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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