i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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