ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
